


pain is beauty

by hazthecoconut



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Harry, Crossdressing, Gay, I'm so bad at tags ugh, Louis can be rude sometimes, M/M, Makeup, Smut, Top Louis Tomlinson, Youth, harry is quite bitchy, kind of enemies to lovers??? idk, larry stylinson - Freeform, zayn and harry are best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22130566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazthecoconut/pseuds/hazthecoconut
Summary: Lipstick, mascara, concealer and a little bit of highlighter - without all of that Harry probably won't ever leave the house again. His skinny jeans are his best friends, his boots are his only longterm relationship and the pretty crop tops are a key item on his way into some stranger's bed.''You can cover everything with makeup.'', Harry always says.Pimples, scars, eye bags. Every possible imperfection.Just one thing that not even the thickest, most pigmented concealer can cover up:His insecurities and problems.''Your skirt is too short, Styles.''.''As if it bothers you, Tomlinson.''.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello guys, i'm back :D finally
> 
> i've decided to finally post a fic of mine from wattpad on here. I started it like a month ago and have two chapters finished yet.  
> hope you guys like it!
> 
> if anyone would be so kind and wants to beta my work, my twitter is @cinnamongirlhaz :)

It lies in Harry's nature to want to feel pretty. When he was just a little boy, he would always see his big sister coming home, wearing her cute little uniform and brushing her long, brown hair which got messy from playing. Her freckles were painted across her face like perfect little imperfections - hated and loved by her at the same time. She used to tell Harry under tears, ''No boy will ever date me if I don't cover them up.''. 

Harry, as naive and young as he was, just nodded and watched her every morning from then on, as she covered all the things that made her unique with a layer of foundation. Her skirt would get shorter and shorter year by year because she cut and sow them so that the boys could see more and more of her thighs as she got older.

There were nights where Harry heard her cry by herself in her room. And Harry really just wanted to open her door, bring her her favorite little teddy bear and cuddle her - just like they did when they were kids. He would talk to her, tell her ''I love you, gems..'' and the moon and the stars would smile down at them and tell the sun to shine bright for them tomorrow.

But now, that Gemma was almost 17 and Harry just her stupid little brother in her eyes, he almost felt like he wasn't able to come closer to her anymore. Her wall was built so high, yet the materials of the wall were soft enough to crash by themselves.

Whenever the boy she really liked told her she had thunder thighs, too much of a big nose or bunny teeth - she would crumble. Eating less, putting more and more layers of makeup on her clean, already gorgeous face and in the end - hiding her smile. 

It broke Harry's heart, that the beautiful girl he used to call his best friend was beating herself up. His sister was always there for him and now he couldn't even enter her room anymore and be there for her. He never understood when she decided to shut herself off, but Harry missed being with her. 

And eventually, growing up would turn Harry in a copy of his sister. He made the same experiences as her, except he never had a boy sneak his hand under his skirt. He painted confidence onto his face every morning as he got ready for school and dressed in his uniform, wearing a skirt instead of pants. The teachers always sent him to detention for not wearing the uniform designed for boys. Instead, he turned his top into a cropped version to show off his skinny, toned stomach. And his sister's trick of cutting his skirt was also one of his favorites.

He liked to watch as the boys would all stare at him, probably wanting to ask him out on a date. His long curls bounced, framing his beautiful face. The whistles were cheers, the profanities yelled at him came off as compliments in his ears - being called a slut was nothing new to Harry at this point.

There was only one boy that didn't react to his shaven legs, arms and his overall gorgeous appearance. His name was Louis. Harry liked to call him Lou - and he was his current target.

Yet, he didn't even realize, that Louis wasn't interested in anything that the shallow shell called Harry Styles was offering to him. No makeup and no award-worthy acting could cover up the fact that Harry was a sad little bunch of self-hatred. Louis saw right through that. 

And that was why Harry had to work even harder to impress him. If only love potions existed...


	2. Chapter 2

''What do you think, Zaynie? This skirt or this one?'', Harry asked, as his best friend was sat on his bed. Zayn shrugged, biting his lip. ''Harry, it's gonna be cold in London soon. Autumn's coming.. are you sure, you want to wander around in just a skirt and a crop top?''. Harry scoffed, chuckled at his best friend and shook his head. ''Don't worry, Zaynie. I will do it just like my sister. I'll put on high, long socks and wear cute sweaters.'', he said and turned around to rummage through his closet. Over the years, it has grown to be bigger than his sister's closet. In some way, they rivaled about it. But at the same time, their bond wasn't strong enough anymore to care for each other and compete in silly little things, like these.

Gemma's simply not interested in her brother's life anymore. She doesn't even sit at the table downstairs for dinner. Instead, Harry always heard giggles coming from her room and a second, low voice talking to her. Harry had figured that she had a boyfriend, even though she was very good at hiding it. He didn't know what it was, that had changed his sister so much. But honestly, he also never figured out why he saw being just like her as his only goal in his life.

''What are you gonna dress up as on Halloween this year?'', Zayn asked and Harry shrugged. ''Maybe a cute version of Cruella De Ville. Then I'll probably get some villain-action in my bed.'', he winked and Zayn rolled his eyes, chuckling. ''Did you know Louis Tomlinson is coming to the party too?''. Harry smirked, turning around to his friend after looking for his perfect skirt.''Oh, really? I didn't know.'', he lied. Zayn sighed. 

In the meantime, Harry paid his attention back to his wardrobe. Maybe he should put on the red lipstick his mother gave him for Christmas last year. It always accentuated his green eyes and made them shine even more. And his lips always looked so much bigger!

''I guess he already has someone he can go with. I wanted to ask him.''. 

Harry widened his eyes. When he turned around, he saw Zayn frowning a bit. ''You have a crush on Louis Tomlinson?'', he asked. He couldn't help but be jealous. Louis was his target, his one big award that he was gonna win and show off to everyone. Zayn shrugged. ''He is definitely cute, but I have never really shown enough interest in him to actually develop a crush. It just would've been nice to have a more popular date for once.''. Zayn had moved his fingers as if quoting the word popular. He was never the type of person who really, actually cared about attention or any of that kinda stuff. But he knew, Harry cared about his reputation more than anything - in a very unhealthy way.

And that's why when Zayn looked up, he saw Harry's face showing an angry expression.

''What do you mean? You could always go with me, I'm way more popular than him!'', Harry snapped a little. Zayn bit his lip and stood up, grabbing his bag. ''Harry. Stop competing with other people about popularity. You're popular for being called a whore... he's popular for having a kind heart and being a funny bloke.''. Huffing loudly, Harry turned back around to his mirror.

Zayn exhaled loudly and stepped over to him, resting his hand on his best friend's shoulder gently. He didn't want to anger Harry even more, but sometimes he couldn't help but speak the truth. All he wanted to do was protect Harry from having to go through a heartbreak someday, one that isn't even comparable to the romcoms and the novels out there in the world.

He knew deep down Harry was just a flower that died little by little with every hateful comment. But he was afraid to show his emotions. Harry had a war on his mind. And Zayn didn't know how to pluck all the bullets he's taken before out of him.

All he could hope for was that Harry wakes up one day and sees, he is beautiful. Gorgeous, even. Without makeup, without the clothes and facade of being perfect. But for now, they had to go to school in the early morning. 

And Zayn could already see the disgusted looks darted towards his friend and the loud, echoing shit talk about a human they don't even know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 coming soon guys, hope you liked it <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, chapter 3!  
> hope you'll like it.

»No, _seriously_.«, Louis said. »I wouldn't want to go on a date with that Styles fella.« Liam raised his brows, looking at Louis in disbelief. »Do you even know what you are saying?«, he gave him a lopsided look. That only made him shrug though, as he replied to his classmate, »I really think he's overrated. Everyone in this school seems to be so shocked at how gorgeous and sexy he is. But from what I've heard, he only spreads his legs and doesn't care about expanding his feelings and wisdom.« Liam nodded, laughing a bit. »Well, I mean, isn't that the cool thing? You don't have to do anything to get some ass-«

»Good morning, boys«, a deep, but soft voice chirped next to them. As Louis and Liam looked up, they saw a familiar face. To be exact, the face of someone they were just talking about. Nervously - and actually, a tiny bit embarrassed - Louis cleared his throat. »Styles! Good morning, lad...«

Liam couldn't help but cackle quietly, his face turning red from being properly uncomfortable and also trying not to laugh. Harry smirked, giving them both a look. »Were you guys talking about me?«, he asked - very indiscreetly. Louis' lips parted as he gasped and shook his head. A small crinkle formed on his forehead as he did so. Harry raised one of his very nicely plucked and shaped eyebrows. »By the way, Styles... your lipstick... it's umm–«

Harry furrowed his brows, then realizing what Louis meant. He could tell what it was by the way how Louis pointed to his own lips and did a circling motion. Whoops, his lipstick must've gotten all smeary from making out with the cute guy from physics. Harry wouldn't like to admit it, but he had a type - nerds. They were so adorable and always so intimated by Harry and his seducing height. Who wouldn't fall for a lean body, long legs, and a face almost as perfectly shaped like a statue from ancient greek times?

»Tomlinson, I've heard that you have a date for the Halloween party... is that true?«, Harry asked. Well, that was now very low-key. Louis smiled politely and nodded. Liam licked his lips though, as he stared up at Harry. »Oh! Well, that's too sad...« Louis raised a brow, asking why that would be sad. Perhaps, this was Harry's tactic. To make Louis feel bad for having a date and make him change his mind to choose him. But Louis promised himself - never fall for Harry Styles. »I would've liked to go with you. You're very handsome and I think we would make a cute power couple.« Louis held back a laugh, replying to him that he is not interested at all.

Liam then snorted, which made Harry look at him with squinted, a tad angered expression on his face. »What's so funny, Payne?«

That only made Liam widen his eyes and he shook his head quickly, not trying to offend Harry. After all, he wanted his chances to still be high in case Harry would ever be down to spend a night with him. But apparently, he ruined that. Harry rolled his eyes annoyedly and then wished both boys a nice day.

Louis licked over his bottom lip and looked at Harry, deciding to give a sassy comment to make sure his message came across.

»Your skirt is too short, Styles!«

»As if it bothers you, Tomlinson.«


	4. Chapter 4

» _Every little thing that you say or do_ -«, Harry exhaled loudly as he was holding up his legs into the air and tried not to give up against gravity. » _I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you.._ «

As the music blasted through his room, he heard a knock on his door. »Ugh, not now! I'm working out!« But then, his mother walked through the door. Harry lifted up his head a little bit as he graciously moved his legs in the air to do some flutter kicks. »Harry, I told you not to turn up the music so loudly that everyone's eardrums will burst.« 

She made her way through his room and watched her son on the floor as he was exercising. Harry always did this work out at home, it made him feel like he was fit and sporty - even though he had to secretly admit, that he was very weak after every session he did. »Yes, fine... excuse me, mother.« 

The music stopped playing, as his mother accidentally pushed the off button instead of lowering the volume. Harry groaned and sat up, spontaneously doing some Russian twists. »You pushed the wrong thing again, mom. Please turn it back on.« She shook her head though, sitting down on his bed. »Harry, son... we need to talk.« 

Not even the serious tone in his mother's voice allowed Harry to stop moving. He wanted to have a perfect body at all times. There was no time right now to pause and chit chat. 

»Harry. Take a break and look at my eyes when I talk to you.«

That finally made Harry consider stopping and turning around to look at his mother. His cheeks were rosy red and a bit of sweat had pooled on his forehead. She sighed. »Have you heard the voice in Gemma's room?«, she asked quietly and they both stayed silent.

Of course, he had heard the voice. But he wasn't involved or interested in Gemma's life, he didn't feel like intruding her personal space and after all, she would probably only yell at him and send him outside if he was spying on what she was doing. There used to be such calm, amusing hours of them just lying on the rooftop against their mother's will. Both of them would be staring at the starry sky and discuss their biggest wishes.

 _»I want to be a singer, or a popstar maybe.«,_ Harry used to say. While Gemma wanted to be a supermodel, she always referred to them as » _beautiful as_ _a piece of art.«_

Even back then, she was obsessed with beauty and making yourself into something you want to show off to everyone.

Harrycleared his throat and nodded, not wanting to lie to his mother. After all, their bond was special. And his relationship with his sister was ruined anyways. There was no sense in hiding her secrets and trying to be all hush-hush about what he knew she was doing. »Mum, I think she has had a boyfriend, for a while now. But she is not ready to tell you yet. Just respect her privacy and don't tell her that you know about her secret yet.«

His mother nodded with a sigh and turned to him then. And they just stared at each other for a brief moment. Perhaps, this calmness, this silence - it was something that would normally make Harry uncomfortable nowadays. But truthfully, there was something so soothing about his mother's way of saying nothing, but at the same time saying everything he always needed to recognize and hear - with just one gentle look into his eyes. 

She caressed his cheek, the same cheek that she had wiped flowing tears from before, the same cheek she kissed every night during bedtime stories. And she looked at him, opening her mouth and saying, »I know you don't like hearing this, but... no matter how tall and pretty, or popular you become...«, she inhaled for a second and both of their bluish-green eyes gazed at each other in silence. ...you and your sister, you two will always be my babies.«

Harry smiled, holding back tears to not show much emotion, but the smile was answer enough for her. She got up, turned on the music again - at a way more acceptable volume - and left the room. And Harry just sat there, trying not to see the truth, that sometimes, but just sometimes... trying to be Mr. Perfect _sucked._


	5. Chapter 5

» _Every little thing that you say or do_ -«, Harry exhaled loudly as he was holding up his legs into the air and tried not to give up against gravity. » _I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you_..«

As the music blasted through his room, he heard a knock on his door. »Ugh, not now! I'm working out!« But then, his mother walked through the door. Harry lifted up his head a little bit as he graciously moved his legs in the air to do some flutter kicks.

»Harry, I told you not to turn up the music so loudly that everyone's eardrums will burst.«

She made her way through his room and watched her son on the floor as he was exercising. Harry always did this work out at home, it made him feel like he was fit and sporty - even though he had to secretly admit, that he was very weak after every session he did.

»Yes, fine... excuse me, mother.« The music stopped playing, as his mother accidentally pushed the off button instead of lowering the volume. Harry groaned and sat up, spontaneously doing some Russian twists. »You pushed the wrong thing again, mom. Please turn it back on.«

She shook her head though, sitting down on his bed. »Harry, son... we need to talk.«

Not even the serious tone in his mother's voice allowed Harry to stop moving. He wanted to have a perfect body at all times. There was no time right now to pause and chit chat. »Harry. Take a break and look at my eyes when I talk to you.«

That finally made Harry consider stopping and turning around to look at his mother. His cheeks were rosy red and a bit of sweat had pooled on his forehead. She sighed. »Have you heard the voice in Gemma's room?«, she asked quietly and they both stayed silent. Of course, he had heard the voice. But he wasn't involved or interested in Gemma's life, he didn't feel like intruding her personal space and after all, she would probably only yell at him and send him outside if he was spying on what she was doing. There used to be such calm, amusing hours of them just lying on the rooftop against their mother's will.

Both of them would be staring at the starry sky and discuss their biggest wishes. »I want to be a singer, or a popstar maybe.«, Harry used to say. While Gemma wanted to be a supermodel, she always referred to them as »beautiful as a piece of art.« Even back then, she was obsessed with beauty and making yourself into something you want to show off to everyone. Harry cleared his throat and nodded, not wanting to lie to his mother. After all, their bond was special. And his relationship with his sister was ruined anyways. There was no sense in hiding her secrets and trying to be all hush-hush about what he knew she was doing.

»Mum, I think she has had a boyfriend, for a while now. But she is not ready to tell you yet. Just respect her privacy and don't tell her that you know about her secret yet.« His mother nodded with a sigh and turned to him then. And they just stared at each other for a brief moment. Perhaps, this calmness, this silence - it was something that would normally make Harry uncomfortable nowadays. But truthfully, there was something so soothing about his mother's way of saying nothing, but at the same time saying everything he always needed to recognize and hear - with just one gentle look into his eyes.

She caressed his cheek, the same cheek that she had wiped flowing tears from before, the same cheek she kissed every night during bedtime stories. And she looked at him, opening her mouth and saying, »I know you don't like hearing this, but... no matter how tall and pretty, or popular you become...«, she inhaled for a second and both of their bluish-green eyes gazed at each other in silence. ...you and your sister, you two will always be my babies.« Harry smiled, holding back tears to not show much emotion, but the smile was answer enough for her. She got up, turned on the music again - at a way more acceptable volume - and left the room.

And Harry just sat there, trying not to see the truth, that sometimes, but just sometimes... trying to be Mr. Perfect sucked.


	6. Chapter 6

»That was a shitty move from you, Harry. And you know that.«, Zayn mumbled to Harry as they were walking out of school after a long day of learning about things Harry wasn't interested in. Don't get him wrong, he knows education is important. But his waistline and his diet are way more important to him than the birth dates of some old people... who are dead anyway, right?

As Zayn pushed his bike, Harry let out a quiet sigh. »Zayn, I'm just trying to win him over! He is supposed to be mine.«, he argued and for a while, they didn't continue their conversation. 

They stopped in the middle of some street, Zayn just looking at him with a facial expression that Harry couldn't classify. After arguing with himself inside of his head, he finally decided to speak up, »H, first of all, I am your best friend. I know your intentions and I also know that you're not only interested in Louis, but you are quite obviously obsessed with him!« Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes before Zayn continued: »But Haz, you need to understand that you cannot make someone yours! Who are you to actually try and claim a person that you barely really know to be yours only?«

Harry felt as if Zayn had just stabbed him in the back. »Fine then, Zayn. If you don't want to support me during this, then I guess there is no sense in trying to convince you back.«, he snapped and watched his best friend's face fall. »Harry, no, no that's not what I trying to-« 

But at that point, Harry had already turned away and walked back home by himself, letting Zayn stand there. By himself and now without such a popular friend, like him.

.

As his lips smacked against the lips of a stranger, Harry finally really woke up. It was way too early and the coffee he has been drinking just didn't do the deed. A moan erupted from him, as he felt the random boy dig himself deeper into his body. Curling his toes, Harry ignored the fact that everyone was running to their first lesson right now. He was occupied.

When he came, he came in the hands of the other boy, who now asked him to please suck him off before they would leave to at least catch the last twenty minutes of their classes. Harry bit his lip, smirking at him and making his way down. He spoiled the boy, making the best out of their few minutes they could spend together. 

Someone came into the bathroom suddenly then, making them both freeze and look at each other. 

Soft, quiet humming was echoing through the room as Harry and his little sex-partner were hiding in a stall. Harry recognized the humming and widened his eyes. He quickly wiped his mouth, whispering a »Sorry...« as he quickly got dressed and flushed the empty toilet. He walked out of the stall, fixing his fly and smirking at Louis, who was standing in front of the urinals.

»Tomlinson, hey!«, he said as he walked over to a sink, washing his hands. He wanted this to be as casual as possible. Louis turned around and raised a brow. Then he recognized the person that just said his last name and sighed, turning back to face the white installments on the wall. »Hello, Styles...«, he mumbled.

Harry walked over to him, really not trying to take a glance at Louis' dick, but he couldn't help it. As Louis noticed that, he cleared his throat awkwardly and tucked himself back in. »What are you doing here? Skipping classes like always?«, he tried to change the subject. Harry acted offended and shaking his head. »I never skip classes.«, he lied, which made Louis snort and look away.

As they walked to the sink, Harry leaned against the tiles on the wall with his back.

»So, I heard that Zayn and you are friends?«, Harry tried to stir the subject into a direction that would please him. Louis shrugged. »We talk sometimes, why?«

They suddenly heard a toilet being flushed and Harry widened his eyes. That fucking idiot. Louis turned around to watch a boy with messy hair come out of a stall by himself, who held up a small ring. »You forgot your ring in there, Harold...«

Harry facepalmed himself internally, while Louis raised a brow. He figured what was going on and grinned - he also understood what Harry was trying to do now. Once a slut, always a slut. He looked Harry up and down. »Have a nice day, _Harold_.«, Louis said, emphasizing his nickname as he dried his hands on a towel and walked out.

The door closed, while Harry and the stranger looked at each other. Harry then pulled his ring out of the boy's grip. »Well done, dollop head.«


	7. Chapter 7

» _I've been tearing around in my fucking nightgown, 24/7 Sylvia Plath_...«

Harry sighed as he was lying on his bed, with his headphones on. He stared at the ceiling, feeling like he was going to cry. Lana Del Rey's voice was thankfully calming his nerves, as she was singing about his life in her words. Harry felt like they had a connection, Lana and him. Her lyrics helped him find someone he could relate to - almost like, a sister...

» _Writing in blood on my walls, 'cause the ink my pen don't work in my notepad_...«

She sounded almost desperate. Desperate, to feel normal and belong - keep her hope. It's too easy to lose hope these days and especially Harry could understand her problem. He closed his eyes while she sang him a good night story, making him feel less alone.

The thing is, Harry comes across so strong, so carefree. All of the goddamn time, people think he is fine. 

»But I'm not, baby, I'm not...«, he sang along after clicking on replay, to hear the song one last time before he would turn off his phone to do some bedtime-yoga. He wasn't fine. 

» _But hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have._..«

A knock on his door made his head snap up. He sniffed, wiped away a tear he didn't even notice rolling down. He walked towards the door, opening it. Gemma stood in front of him, looking like she was fuming. Her loud, angry voice started mixing with the music that was entering Harry's ears. 

She forcefully ripped the headphones off her brother's head. »My hair! Be careful..«, Harry snapped. »Did you tell mom about Dylan??«, she asked angrily. With furrowed eyebrows, Harry wondered if he had ever even heard the name Dylan. Oh yeah, that one guy in seventh grade that kept winking at him every day. Good old days...

»Harry, answer me!«, she snapped loudly and threw his headphones to the ground. »Are you stupid?! Those were expensive!«, he yelled and picked them up. She was still fuming, looking at him as if she was going to commit murder on him any second now.

»I don't even know a guy called Dylan. Who is he?«, he asked with a confused expression. »Oh, you know who I mean!«, she yelled and suddenly, Harry widened his eyes. Then he let out a sigh. »Mum asked you about your boyfriend, hm?«, he asked and Gemma nodded, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Harry groaned then, his palm landing on his forehead. With closed eyes, he spoke, »I told her not to address it...«

»Wait, you two knew?!«, Gemma asked and looked at him with wide eyes. Harry groaned - yet again - and snapped at her: »Yes, Gemma! Everyone knows because you spread your legs for every boy that ever comes your way. It was just a matter of time mom would address the constant moaning coming from your room!«

It was silent between the two siblings for a few minutes. Her green eyes were showing off the hurt that Harry had just caused her. »You hypocrite, you just do the same...«, she mumbled. »Fuck you.«

She stormed back downstairs and Harry still stood there, sighing and putting on the headphones again. He closed the door behind him with a big bang and exhaled loudly, sitting back down o his bed. 

Yes, he was acting just the same as his big sister. And yes, it was hypocritical of him to hurt her like this, even though he should worry about his own personality and lifestyle too. Spreading his legs, instead of opening his hearts - it was just easier for both him and Gemma to find love this way. 

» _She couldn't care less and I never cared more, so there's no more to say about that_.«

And that's when Harry's tears started flowing. He pulled his knees up to his chest and started sobbing out all of his problems.

His head was starting to hurt from not drinking enough water tonight and crying too much. He looked over at his wall, seeing an old picture of Gemma and him as children. They used to have a strong bond. Best friends, that's what they called each other. But now, they are just two strangers in the same home.

» _Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have, but I have it... yeah, I have it.._.« 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone loves lana and 1d, pls comment i need some more fellow stan friends hehe


	8. Chapter 8

»Hey, Louis....«

Louis looked up, just to see Zayn's face. He smiled. »Oh! Hey, buddy... you were so silent in that class where we sat together. Is everything okay?«, he asked. Zayn sighed and looked down. »You know, I know Harry has an interest in you. He is my best friend, he talks about you almost all of the time. Like, I don't think there hasn't been one day where Harry didn't mention you.«, Zayn stopped so he could breathe and looked down. »Please, do me one favor and... just go out with him? Just once?«

Louis furrowed his brows. »Are you... asking me to go out with him? For real now?«, he watched as Zayn nodded and scratched his neck. »Listen, Zayn... I don't have any interest in Harry and he really doesn't seem like someone I would like to date-«

»But what if you go out with him just _once_? Maybe you'll hate it, maybe you will want to leave immediately.. but please, give him a chance. He deserves it.«, Zayn sighed. His heart was still hurting a bit from that afternoon when their friendship ended. »He really is someone you would enjoy your time with, if you just give him a chance.«

Louis blinked and looked back at Zayn, licking his lip. As he was thinking, he looked down at his shoes. »Okay, fine. But under one condition.«

...

The school bell rang, Harry was about to storm out of the building and ride back home. But suddenly, he got stopped.

»Hey, hey! Styles! Wait for me!«

Harry turned around to see Louis running towards him. He raised his brows. »Yes, Louis?«, he asked as soon as he arrived. Louis breathed heavily from »I, um... I know that I've been quite harsh on you and that, you know... my ways of responding to you were coming across as if I don't like you.« That made Harry squint his eyes a bit.

»And? What are you trying to tell me?«

»That I do like you. And I would like to go out with you. Friday evening at 8 pm.«

Harry blinked a bit, still perplexed. But who was he to reject Louis Tomlinson? The one guy he has been trying to hook up with for literal ages?

»Sure! And where should we go?«, he asked and Louis widened his eyes. Oh right, he hasn't thought about that. Probably somewhere where no one can see them. Louis doesn't want to be spotted with him on a Friday evening, out and about. He remembered that there was this lake near the forest. Maybe they could go there and no one would spot them.

»I'm going to text you the address.«, he said and Harry just smirked then. »Alright, Tommo.«, he said and winked then. God, Louis already knew he would regret this. He watched Harry walk off and sighed. Please, good lord, don't make this date the most awkward thing in Louis' life...

.

» _But you get ready, you get all dressed up-_ «

Harry hummed along with the song as he put on his knee-high socks and stroked a few fuzzies from his sweater off of his skirt. He looked at himself in the big mirror in front of him. Then, he quickly checked his own bum out. Well, it could've used some more cure, but skirts sadly always ruined the illusion. But they also made his thighs look so pretty, so he rather enjoyed that part of wearing them. 

» _-to go nowhere in particular. Back to work or the coffee shop, it don't matter because it's enough to be young and in love._..«

He whistled along to the song, while Gemma suddenly passed his room. She peeked inside, watching as her little brother was getting ready. She chewed on her bottom lip, staring at his face, while he was looking at himself in the mirror. They really looked so similar, yet were both completely different personalities. When she saw him pack a condom into his bag, she sighed.

She suddenly walked in, then. »Where are you going?«, she asked. It made Harry jump a bit, so he stared at her like a deer that just heard a shot. She sat down on his bed and looked at him. »Come on, tell me.«, she said.

Harry really was trying to hear whatever tone she was using and identify it. But he couldn't. What was she doing? Was she actually being nice or is this a way of making Harry feel like she's in control? Because she could possibly tell mum about this...

»I-I, um... I have a date.«, he blurted out and she raised her brows. »That sounds nice, I hope he is a gentleman.« Was that a small smile he could spot?

He hasn't seen his sister smile authentically in years. He nodded, then. »Yes, he is very smart, funny... just-«, Harry sighed and sat down on his bed next to her. »I try to win him over, so I can say he's mine. It's almost like a crown I can wear as soon as he is my king.« 

She furrowed her brows, seeming like she didn't quite get what I was saying. I sighed, »I want to show him off, make sure everyone sees that Harry's got the hottest boyfriend in school.«

Gemma's eyes suddenly seemed sad, as she stared at her brother. She bit her lip, knowing exactly what he was doing, because.. she did the same. Still does, to be honest. Then, she looked right into his eyes and took a breath. »Have fun, little brother.«, she said and got up. Harry blinked, a bit dumbfounded. She walked towards the door. »And... be careful.«

Harry watched her walk away and he still blinked, trying to process that this was their first conversation in ages, where it didn't end with both of them yelling and crying. But he didn't have much time to process, because when he checked his phone, it was already 7 pm. And so, he quickly got up and went through the door, ready to have his first date with Louis.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry arrived at the place Louis told him he would pick him up. He couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. Where was his confidence? His bossy attitude?

It was gone. And it kinda scared him.

He was fiddling around with the hem of his shirt, wondering if Louis got all dressed up too. He once read online, that if a guy dresses up nicely for you, they actually wanna go out with you. And to Harry, this was more than just a date. He wanted to win Louis, have him all to himself.

Yes, he didn't even know Louis' favorite color, his hobbies or just... anything, really. But what he knew, is that Louis had a handsome face, strong arms, and a kind heart. The perfect combination. Louis was his Prince Charming.

Prince Charming arrived in his white Volkswagen and Harry smiled at him, waving and walking over to him. Louis unlocked the car for him, letting him sit down inside of it. 

»You're quite late, Louis.«

»I still had to help my sister do her homework.«

Harry gasped, »You have a sister?« Louis chuckled then. »I have four sisters, to be exact. And one small, little brother. His name is Ernest.« That made Harry's chin drop to the floor. They were six kids in his family?! 

»Wow, didn't see that coming... I would've thought you're a single child.«, Harry said. Louis furrowed his brows, not sure if it was a compliment or meant in a shady way. »What made you think that?«, he asked. Harry shrugged, »Normally people with siblings are way crankier. Just like I can be, sometimes.«, he giggled a bit. 

Louis had to smile. The dimples on Harry's cheeks were actually quite pretty. But he didn't want to admit that. This will be one date - and one date only. Because Louis already knows that Harry Styles is the most shallow and boring person, who only cares about looks and brand names. Why would anyone want to date him?

.

»Gosh, stop! Stop!«, Harry exclaimed as he held his tummy, laughing so loudly that he was gasping for air. Louis giggled, sipping on his sparkling wine. They both were tipsy and had just shared the most embarrassing stories of their childhood.

And well, Harry couldn't quite comprehend that Louis just told him, that he once spilled his cherry slushie all over his baby sister at the age of seven. And to prevent his mother from getting mad at him, he blamed his sister and said that she was »on her period.«

They both were giggling, covering their mouths as Harry looked at his empty plate and breathed through, chuckling softly. Wow, tonight really went by way too fast. Louis wouldn't say so if you would ask him directly. But inside of him, there was a voice, already asking for more. Another date, more stories, more laughter. Just - more of Harry.

»I think we should get going soon...«, Louis said and looked into green, hopeful eyes. He wondered what was happening in Harry's head right now. Does he feel the same?

»But we drank alcohol, Louis...«

»It's just ten minutes back to your house and don't worry, I am quite exercised at driving around being tipsy.«, Louis giggled and Harry widened his eyes. »Woah, you're such a bad boy!«, he snickered and Louis wiggled his brows.

They paid for their meals, the drinks and gave a big tip to the waiter before walking out and getting into the car. The atmosphere in the car was completely different to the atmosphere in the restaurant. A comfortable silence was wrapping them both into a blanket, and none of them wanted to get out. 

But as they arrived in front of Harry's house, both of them realized, they sadly have to say goodbye now. Harry turned to Louis, thanked him again and again for this nice evening. Louis was shocked, that his bratty attitude didn't show even once during the entire date.

He watched Harry get out of the car and already missed his presence a bit, picturing his smile in front of his eyes again. Maybe he did like Harry, but of course, only in a platonic way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that it took me so long to update :( next chapter coming soon


	10. Chapter 10

» _I'm tired of the city, scream if you're with me. If I'm gonna die, let's die somewhere pretty, ah, ah-ah._.«

Harry walked around his room, holding different kinds of dresses up in front of his body. He was listening to music again, humming along. He almost didn't hear the knock on his door. With a big sigh, he opened it and raised a brow, when his mother stood there. Quickly, he took off his headphones.

»Hello, Mu-«

»Gemma said you had a date.«

His eyes widened and he looked at her. »W-wait, why did she tell you that?«, he asked and his mother just bit her lip. »Harry, I really feel like you're just... making the same mistakes as your sister. Dressing up like it isn't school that you're going to.«, she gave him a worried look. »And I know I could just make you dress differently, but I know you would still do it behind my back. Just like Gemma did.«

She sighed and sat down on Harry's bed. »I've had thousands of fights with her, telling her she needs to dress more appropriately. But she always had arguments against me, screaming at me and storming off.«, she looked down. Harry sat down next to her and chewed on his lip, putting his dresses on his bed.

They made eye contact and she looked at him. »And on top of that, you're dating already?«, she looked at him disappointedly. He groaned, »Mom, I'm not twelve anymore. As if you didn't have a boyfriend at seventeen.«, he said. She stayed silent and looked down. »I guess, that's not what I mean... I am okay with you dating, I put that wrong..«

Harry stared at her and she took his hand. »Haz, baby.. you're my little baby boy. And I saw my baby girl already growing up like this. You can see her, how she acts right now.«, she looked out of the window, then at the wall. It was still filled with their childhood pictures, like always. She turned to look back at him again after a few silent minutes.

»I just don't want you to end up as unhappy as her.«

He furrowed his brows and shook his head. »I'm.. I'm not unhappy, mom.«, he said. Well, of course, that was a lie. But he didn't want to make his mother even sadder. She was already going through something, he could tell. It must be hard to learn that your kids are growing up and struggling with their life and identity like every other adolescent teenager.

She teared up then and looked at her son. »Gemma left last night.«

Harry blinked, not sure what she was talking about. »Wait, what?«, he asked. She shrugged, »I guess that's why I'm so emotional today... she left. I don't know where she is. Most likely went to see her boyfriend.«, she mumbled. »But why would she leave without a word?«, Harry asked. She chuckled and looked away. »Because she loves keeping her life a secret from me now... we used to share everything. All of us three, remember?«

His heart hurt a little, as he saw his mother almost cry. He didn't even consider that his and Gemma's actions could... possibly hurt her this much. Or make her feel left out.

»I just miss the times when we were a family.«, she said and slowly got up. Harry watched her walk over to the door and heard her sniffle. »I'm sorry, love... I... I should've just.. let you pick out your dress.«, she said as she turned back around. His green eyes stared back at her, reflecting the sadness in them. After all, they were almost the same.

Before she could close the door, he finally opened his mouth. »I love you, mom.«

She gave him a sad smile and looked at him with now bright, sparkling eyes. »I know, love... I love you too.«

And so, as the door closed, Harry dropped his head on his bed, closing his eyes. He finally wanted to dream again, meet Louis somewhere in the alleys of his fantasy. Just to escape reality.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the shortness of this chapter, writer's block is just suddenly kind of hitting me...

Harry was confused. Why was Louis suddenly dead silent again?

No messages, no visits, nothing. He would sometimes even avoid his gaze at school and walk past him. Harry tried not to be offended by it. But deep down, he was. It hurt him to be ignored. A lot, to be exact.

Especially now that that stupid Halloween party wasn't far away anymore. 

He had to figure out what was wrong. Not only with Louis, but also with Gemma. He hadn't seen her since she had left their house a few nights ago. He really hoped deep down, that she was okay.

.

After a long day of school, Harry waited in front of the changing rooms, where all the soccer players of their school were spending a way too long time inside of for Harry's liking. He wanted to see Louis again and ask him what was wrong. 

When he heard a bit of chatter, his head snapped up. Payne? But why isn't Louis here?

»Hey, Liam.«, Harry said and got his attention rather quickly. Liam's response was a big, smug smirk on his face. »Styles! Harry! What're you doing here?«, he asked and excused himself from his buddies, giving them a fist bump as a goodbye. »See you tomorrow, bro.«, one of the males said and Liam nodded, »See ya!«

Liam's eyes turned to Harry then and he was expecting an explanation of why Harry suddenly wanted to talk to him. Licking his lips, Harry sighed and kept an eye on the door. »Could you... please tell me why Louis isn't here? Has he skipped-«

»Why do you wanna know?«

Harry blinked, »Excuse me, what?« Liam sighed. »He told me he isn't really interested in you.«, he replied. That took Harry a bit by surprise. »B-But we had a date last-« 

»Liam! Oi oi, why didn't you wait for me?« - it was Louis. Harry looked at Louis with glossy eyes. »You're not interested in me?«, he asked, straight up wanting an honest answer. Louis blinked and looked at him. »Uh... what?« 

»You texted me after our date, saying you enjoyed it but now Liam tells me you aren't even interested in me?«, Harry was really battling his own body right now. He couldn't cry now. Not in front of two losers, like this stupid Liam and... ugh, stupid Louis. Speaking of, Louis pursed his lips and looked at Harry. »Harry, I... I never said that.« 

Liam furrowed his brows, »Huh?«

Harry was about to walk off and go home - when Louis suddenly grabbed his wrist. »Harry, I...I really liked the date with you, I did!«, he said. Liam watched them confusedly. »And... I would like to ask you... if you would like to go out with me again?«

Louis bit his lip. Harry stared him down and nodded slowly. »Alright. Yeah... maybe this time at my place.«, he said and winked a bit then, walking off before Louis could say anything else. Louis sighed then, turning around to look at Liam, who shook his head. »Didn't I tell you not to lie?«, Liam asked and Louis sighed. »This Zayn guy, he talked to me and... I don't know, I feel bad for him a bit? I'm not interested, not romantically, but he is nice. I can imagine us being friends, maybe...«

Liam sighed. This can only go wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: mentions of abortion
> 
> this chapter is kind of inspired a by the perks of a wallpaper

» _You get ready, you get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular._..«

Harry was getting ready, wanting to look his best for Louis. He was going to come over tonight. As the curly head put on my most expensive pair of earrings, he sighed softly. This date could really go well if they don't get interrupted by _anyone_. Anyone meaning either his mother or his sister.

But since Gemma hasn't been around for almost a week now, he thought she would most likely stay away much longer. She has no reason to come back. There are more reasons for her to stay away than to return.

Then finally, the doorbell rang downstairs. Harry gasped and stormed through his door, running downstairs. Oh, wait, stop!

He took another glance at my reflection in the big mirror that was hanging in their hallway. _Keep your cool, Harry. This is your night, your chance to make Louis yours. Yes, it's only your second date with him - but you can do this!_

Smacking his lips, he stepped away and walked over to the door. Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened the door, he smiled widely. »Hello, Lou-«, Harry widened his eyes then, »Gemma!?«

Suddenly, Gemma was standing there. He gasped quietly and stared at her with big eyes. She sighed, »Let me in, Haz... please.«, she said. As he stepped to the side, he smelt the alcohol. Harry closed the door. _Wow, is she drunk?_

»Gemma, what are you-«

»I think I killed Dylan's baby.«

Harry blinked. _She... wait, did she really just say that? Out loud? In front of me?_

She teared up slowly then, plopping down on the couch and starting to sob uncontrollably. Harry bit down on my bottom lip and walked over to her. »G-Gemma, what do you mean with that?«, he asked nervously. She kept crying into her palms and wiped her face. While sniffing, she turned her head to look up at him.

»I'm pregnant, Harry! And... I think I drank too much alcohol.. I must've killed it..«, she explained. _Is she just drunk or is she actually telling me a true story here?_

The doorbell rang again, then. Harry widened his eyes. Louis, fuck, right...

He looked at her and she stared back at him with sad, teary eyes. »O-one second, Gem..«, he mumbled. The nickname just slipped out of him, he didn't really know why he said that. But he did know, that Louis was waiting behind the front door, ready for their second date. And with his luck, that will end in just ten minutes, because he would have to drive his sister to a stupid hospital!

Harry opened the door and stared at Louis. His mouth opened, but Harry stopped him before he could say something. »I have to bring my sister to the hospital.«, he blurted out. Louis blinked and looked at Harry confusedly. But then he looked behind him, staring at the drunk girl that Harry calls his sister. 

»I can drive you both, hop into my car.«, he said and looked at the green eyed boy with his clear, blue eyes. Harry looked at him, suddenly pulling him in for a hug. »Thank you...«, he whispered.

.

They were driving to the clinic and well, the silence during the entire ride was ringing in his ears. _Someone, please make it stop._

Harry looked around then, finding Louis' car radio. When he turned it on, they were playing some old _Madonna_ song. 

» _Papa don't preach I'm in trouble deep. Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep, but I made up my mind - I'm keeping my baby, hm._..«

He sighed and skipped, trying to find something less fitting to the situation..

As he listened to Gemma's quiet sobs coming from the backseat, he kept skipping. Then, a melody started playing, that reminded him of their childhood. Harry smiled softly, »Hey, gems... we always used to sing this when we were sad, remember?«, he asked and turned around to look at her. Seeing her like this, with a puffy face and red eyes.. it was pulling at his heart strings, even if he wouldn't want to admit it.

She stared at him as he started singing then, » _You're not alone, together we stand. I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand. When it gets cold and it feels like the end, there's no place to go. You know I won't give in, no, I won't give in_.«.

Louis looked over at me, smiling crookedly. He was humming along a bit, he probably knows the song too. When the refrain started playing, he looked at the mirror and checked if Harry's sister was okay. He focused back on the road and started singing along with Harry, » _Keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong, 'cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you._..«

Gemma sobbed as she stared at Harry. He took her hand and gave her an uplifting smile.

» _There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do. There's no other way when it comes to the truth. So keep holding on_...«, he stroked over the back of her hand with his thumb. She wiped her eyes with the back of her other hand.

» _'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through._..«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry no update this week since I have major writers block issues again, but a correction of this chapter because I wrote it from the wrong perspective originally


	13. Chapter 13

It was 10.43 pm and they still hadn't left the hospital. Louis was sitting next to Harry in the waiting area, sighing as he looked at him. »I had imagined this date to be super thrilling, showing you my room for the first time and cooking dinner with you so we could watch a movie...«, Harry looked away. An ad for diapers was playing on the tiny tv, right after that a video about diabetes. 

_»I always hated hospitals«,_ Harry thought.

Louis stared back, when Harry finally had the courage to look at him again. »And now we are... at the hospital. Waiting for my sister to terminate an unplanned pregnancy...«, Harry mumbled, sounding disappointed. Well, he most likely _was_. He heard Louis sigh again, while a strange, elderly woman stared at him and shook her head, probably disappointed. Either in what Harry just said, or the fact he was sitting there with a mini skirt on. 

»Hey, Harry. Listen.«, he quickly drew Harry's attention away from the old woman. The younger boy looked at him, biting down on his bottom lip, as if it would help somehow. Louis exhaled loudly and blinked, thinking through what he wanted to say. »I don't really care what we are doing.«, he said. And that was weird for him to say, because he actually never would've believed that he would actually go on a date with Harry Styles. Two dates, to be exact.

»You know, I really enjoy spending this time with you together, I swear.«, he said. Harry stared back at him and teared up. This was so not him. Louis chewed on the insides of his cheek. He really was trying to figure out how he could distract him.

»Come on, tell me a story.«, he suddenly said. Harry stared back at him confusedly. »Hm? What kind of story?«, Harry asked confusedly. Louis shrugged, »Tell me _yours_.« 

That made Harry groan a bit. »Well, my story is even more disappointing than this disaster of a date...«, he mumbled. Louis inched a little closer, trying to whisper into his ear. »I would like to hear it...«, he stared at Harry intensively. Green eyes stared back at him and then he heard Harry exhale before he would start telling him more about him. »My dad left when I was five, my mum raised us two alone. Gemma and I used to be best friends, then she became a slut - excuse my language.«, Harry's gaze dropped to the floor. 

It was silent between them for a while. »That's all, I guess...«, he mumbled. Louis hummed, frowning a bit. He really didn't wanna feel bad for him. Really, if it wasn't for that talk he had with Zayn many weeks ago, he wouldn't even be sitting here. He would be at home, fighting his sisters over who is going to wash the dishes tonight and play some _FIFA_.

Louis cupped Harry's chin then, making him stare back at him. »Hey, listen. You are going to be alright, I promise.«, he said. Harry scoffed a bit. »I _am_ alright.«, he mumbled. Louis sighed softly when Harry pulled away and got up. »I'll go get some fresh-«

»Mr. Styles?«

Harry turned around to see the doctor standing there, waving him over. He sighed and turned around, looking at Louis and symbolizing him to please wait there.

.

Gemma wasn't even crying anymore, when Harry sat down next to her bed. She just looked back at him. »Haz?«, she whispered. He smiled a bit, »You haven't called me that since, I don't know... seventh grade?«

She stayed quiet for a few minutes. All she did was stare at her brother - and that's when she teared up. »I was such a horrible sister to you.«, she whispered. Harry raised a brow. Where is this coming from? Did they really make sure this is the same Gemma Styles, as the one who lives with him in their family home? 

Harry listened to her quiet sniffles and watched her wipe a tear away. »It's fine, Gemma...«, he mumbled. Gemma shook her head before he even said her name. »No it's not... and you know that.«, she said. When she finally calmed down a bit, she continued talking. »You never know what faith has in store for you, _H_.«

He stared at his sister and bit his lip. Deep down, he knew this was the trauma of just having had an abortion talking. But he liked to believe, that he finally got his sister back. And that they could continue, where they left off.

As _best friends_.


	14. Chapter 14

Frustrated by everything, Harry closed the door behind himself as he arrived at home. Gemma was still supposed to stay at the hospital for a few more nights. Louis had already promised him, that he would come over to pick her up when she gets released.

Harry walked up the stairs, to see his worried mother wandering around. He widened his eyes. Oh god, how does he tell her about this?

»Harry, sweetheart! There you are...«, she walked over to him quickly, embracing her son in a warm hug. Harry stayed silent and prayed she wouldn't notice the smell of hospital on him. She pulled away, keeping her hands on his sides. »Where were you? I was worried that maybe.. you ran off, like your sister.«

He watched as the tears started building up in her eyes. It broke his heart into a million pieces, but he just **couldn't** tell her the truth. It would ruin everything. Gemma would hate him again. And call him dumb - or naive -, but he really felt like this could be the start for a new beginning. Between him and his sister, of course. He would still be the same because he couldn't just possibly stop this lifestyle... it was way too much fun.

Harry shook his head, knowing very well that he was lying to his mother's face. And it felt even more horrible than that one time two guys tried to go down on him together. (Remind him to never have a threesome ever again.)

His mother looked completely helpless. And as much as Harry would've loved to give her clues or reassurement, he felt like he would just ruin yet another thing. Like Gemma and his close relationship or his friendship with Zayn. And he didn't wanna ruin anything ever again.

Because deep down, Harry was not the confident, sassy persona he puts on in public. He was a small ball of confusion and doubt. It gave him even more motivation, to fool everyone into thinking he was something special - maybe it would make him feel special one day too.

»Mom, I'm-«, he cleared his throat. After breathing through, he looked at the door leading to his room. His mother stepped back a bit. »I have lots of homework... and I'm late because I decided to attend detention for once.«, he lied. Anne nodded, swallowing the lie, and gave him a weak smile before going back downstairs. Probably to cry, or call her ex-husband because he is the only person who ever picks up the phone when she calls. 

.

Harry walked through the halls of the school, but this time he was just rushing to class. Normally he would strut these hallways as if he owned the building. But not today. He was looking for Louis.

He walked into the classroom as quickly as he could. All this drama made him totally forget about the party. And he still didn't have a date. He breathed through, repeating mantras in his head that he made up for himself.

_You're as popular as the queen._ (He knew how ridiculous it sounded.)

_You can do anything you want to do, you'll always be amazing and pretty._

_You're Harry Edward Styles and no one will ever dare to come between you and your destination._

But as he walked towards his table, he gasped. Louis sat there, chatting to someone. Not just chatting, he was... flirting. He could tell by his body language. He was leaning towards the person, giggling and his face was flushed. Louis Tomlinson was freaking _blushing_. Harry didn't know this was possible. 

He stepped closer, his books falling onto the floor from his hands, as he was who he was flirting was. Brown eyes looked at him, alerted and surprised. Louis turned around now too. But Harry's eyes were on someone else.

»Zayn?!«


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hii so sorry this chapter sucks and i've been dealing with really bad writer's block :(

Zayn gulped, staring at Harry. Louis was staying silent. It was an awkward moment. 

»Zayn!?«

Louis quickly dropped his gaze and stared at the floor. The brown-eyed boy sighed softly and rubbed his forehead. »Yes, Harry?«, he asked. »Why are you guys _flirting_?!«, Harry asked, seeming quite furious. Louis stood up, then. »H, calm down... we weren't flirting.«

Zayn blinked and looked at Louis. But... it had felt like exactly _that_. For once, Zayn felt like a guy was actually interested in him. He sighed and listened to the two of them fight. 

»I came here to ask you if you maybe changed your mind and wanted to go to the party with me! But what do I see as soon as I come in here?«, Harry blew air out of his nose in frustration. Some people were watching them as they discussed this. It would probably be the next big subject for gossip at the school.

»Harry, I promise we were just joking around.«, Louis mumbled, knowingly lying to Harry. »You were blushing, Louis! I could see it... I'm not stupid.«, he mumbled. »I promise, H... it meant nothing.«

They both heard a chair move and watched Zayn walked to a different table to sit down there. Harry sighed. Louis did the same, staring at the long curls resting on the boy's shoulders. At this point, he didn't upset Harry. For his own sake, mostly. He knew what happened to boys that fucked with Harry. He knows how to make people regret things.

»At my place tonight. If you don't come, I'll be very upset.«

Louis watched as Harry just sat down and stayed silent from then on. He turned around to spot a hurt-looking Zayn. As he bit down on his lip, the school bell rang, signalizing the lesson would start now.

He started this because Zayn asked him to and he will finish this... he was too scared of the outcome that would occur if Harry caught him lying. 

.

And so, they were sitting on Harry's bed that evening. To say the tension was weird would have been an understatement. 

Louis cleared his throat after a while. »So... uh, what were your plans for tonight? Did you want us to watch a movie?«, he asked.

Harry bit down on his lip and stayed silent. He should've planned this. 

»I mean, we could... I don't know, maybe buy some snacks? Watch something and-«

But Louis was interrupted by Harry turning around and crushing his lips onto Louis'. He was taken aback for a full minute, just Harry mouthing around on the lower half of his face, but then he finally gave in. Louis gave Harry's tongue permission to battle for dominance with his own, both of the boys' hands traveling downwards.

As Harry felt Louis' fingertips on his skin, he felt himself having shivers and getting goosebumps. It was such an intimate and intense moment for them both, which quickly got ruined by Louis' phone buzzing. Harry sighed and looked around as Louis checked his messages, awkward silence between them.

But after putting his phone away, Louis cupped Harry's cheek just to lean in again. Their lips were fitting each other like puzzle pieces and to say Harry wasn't keen on opening that damn fly - that was keeping him away from Louis' member - would be a lie.

They kept making out heavily until Harry's lips traveled down towards the other boy's cleavage. Then his stomach, his hips - and after a few minutes, he had reached his destination. Louis' breath hitched automatically while he felt a warm, wet mouth around his tip. 

He closed his eyes and just grunted as Harry was working his way up and down Louis' length, his tongue coating everything with saliva. Bobbing his head up and down, Harry was making himself come in his pants, as he could feel the back of his throat getting penetrated. 

And when he finally finished Louis off, they just lied there on Harry's bed. The silence was comfortable, yet again. Like on their first date. 

Though, while Harry felt the fluttering butterflies inside of him go crazy - all Louis could feel was an utter, genuine knot filled with guilt in the pit of his stomach. 


	16. not a chapter

hi i am so sorry that i am still not updating . i am just currently having a lot to deal with privately, i will start updating again as soon as i can, hopefully in the new year. :(  
sorry to let you down.

all the love! and merry christmas :)


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